A Mothers Ever Changing Roll

I was listening to a friend of mine who was having a phone conversation with his mom.  I could sense the frustration in his voice about the his lack of time and how he was "wasting time" on the phone. When he hung up he began to vent about how she irritated him and went on and on about her mundane routine and how she missed him and his family. 

I realized in that moment that I too had treated my mother that way when she called and that I was always too "busy" with my own life to take them time to make room for her phone calls.  I would give anything to get those phone calls back.  To listen to her tell me about her church group or her aches and pains.  To bring her by the house to play checkers or cards with my kids.  To share a meal.  I have guilt everyday that I did not take that opportunity before she went on to heaven. 

I am now the mother of Adult Children and it saddens me to think that every time they see my number come up on the caller id or I send a text they are rolling their eyes and frustrated by my "intrustion" in their busy lives.   I pray that they never feel that way but KNOW that they probably do and it breaks my heart.

Your children are your world you spend everyday with them, you clothe them, feed them, cheer for them and wipe away their tears and then one day they become "Adults" and your role changes...you become a background figure...someone they come to "on occasion" and if your lucky you get included into their lives and they welcome you.  I pray that my children always know that I love them and I only want to be a part of their lives, to celebrate the successes and comfort them in their losses.

Mothers take every opportunity to spend all the time you can with your little ones.  These moments are the ones that will mold your future relationships.  They see you as their hero, their role model...they WANT to spend time with you.  Don't take it for granted when then are young or you will MISS it when they are grown.

I love my kids more than they  even realize and I am proud of each of them for different reasons.  I have recently become a grandmother and look forward to making memories with him so that one day when he is grown I can irritate him too :)

Random Thoughts

So I have been reading some blogs of friends and family and decided to give this blogging thing a try.  So here goes with some of my Random thoughts and things that are on my mind on this cool November morning.

Lately I have been evaluating my life and where I am.  I turned 51 in October and for the first time when I look in the mirror I see an old woman.  It has really caught me off guard because on the inside I still feel there is a 30 year old trapped inside this old ladies body.  I have begun to notice age spots, wrinkles, sagging eyelids and lets not even talk about my body.  My poor boobs, what happened to my girls is sad.  Gravity has not been kind.  As I look toward the future I am frightened by the prospect that I may never be able to retire.  As John and I both have only a 401K  I don't think we will ever be able to live on it.  I am excited about the prospect of grandkids and growing old beside the man I love.  But doggone it seemed like that was far away and now I am staring it head on in the face.  I am not so sure I am ready.

I have been sooooo blessed in my life.  I have the most amazing family and friends.  When I was younger I stayed home with my babies and therefore spent most of my time being a "mommy" I wouldn't have given up those years for anything and I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss them.  My house has become so quiet.  The laughter, tears and craziness of those years have passed and I find myself trying to redefine who I am.  I am really not happy with the person I see.  I have regrets of things I wish I had done, dreams that were never achieved.  I have failed in many things.  Weight loss has been such a struggle for me and I am tired of the battle yet I know the fight must go on

Ok enough Debbie Downer, the one thing I am most thankful for is the relationship I have with my children.  As they have become Adults we have become "friends" as well as parent/child.  I cannot even begin to tell you how blessed that makes me feel.  I talk to them a couple times a week and sometimes a couple times a day.  I offer advice, sometimes even when they don't want it and they in turn offer it to me.  I spend time with them, party with them, have holidays and vacations with them and I truly can say they are all I need in my life.  But amazingly I have also been blessed with an awesome group of friends who laugh with me, cry with me, support me and are always there when I need them.

All in all I am doing okay.  I am choosing to count my blessings instead of my fears and with the help of God, my family and my friends, each day brings new beginnings.