So I have been reading some blogs of friends and family and decided to give this blogging thing a try. So here goes with some of my Random thoughts and things that are on my mind on this cool November morning.
Lately I have been evaluating my life and where I am. I turned 51 in October and for the first time when I look in the mirror I see an old woman. It has really caught me off guard because on the inside I still feel there is a 30 year old trapped inside this old ladies body. I have begun to notice age spots, wrinkles, sagging eyelids and lets not even talk about my body. My poor boobs, what happened to my girls is sad. Gravity has not been kind. As I look toward the future I am frightened by the prospect that I may never be able to retire. As John and I both have only a 401K I don't think we will ever be able to live on it. I am excited about the prospect of grandkids and growing old beside the man I love. But doggone it seemed like that was far away and now I am staring it head on in the face. I am not so sure I am ready.
I have been sooooo blessed in my life. I have the most amazing family and friends. When I was younger I stayed home with my babies and therefore spent most of my time being a "mommy" I wouldn't have given up those years for anything and I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss them. My house has become so quiet. The laughter, tears and craziness of those years have passed and I find myself trying to redefine who I am. I am really not happy with the person I see. I have regrets of things I wish I had done, dreams that were never achieved. I have failed in many things. Weight loss has been such a struggle for me and I am tired of the battle yet I know the fight must go on
Ok enough Debbie Downer, the one thing I am most thankful for is the relationship I have with my children. As they have become Adults we have become "friends" as well as parent/child. I cannot even begin to tell you how blessed that makes me feel. I talk to them a couple times a week and sometimes a couple times a day. I offer advice, sometimes even when they don't want it and they in turn offer it to me. I spend time with them, party with them, have holidays and vacations with them and I truly can say they are all I need in my life. But amazingly I have also been blessed with an awesome group of friends who laugh with me, cry with me, support me and are always there when I need them.
All in all I am doing okay. I am choosing to count my blessings instead of my fears and with the help of God, my family and my friends, each day brings new beginnings.
